


Phobia

by Str4y



Series: Broken [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Best Friends, Cigarettes, Confessions, Consensual Sex, Coping, Drinking, Drunk Sex, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:34:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25369933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Str4y/pseuds/Str4y
Summary: Minho had developed many phobias through the last few years. Who could blame him after the hell Han Jisung had put him through?But things were looking up. He had freed himself of the evil things in his life, and he was finally getting himself back together. Piece by piece. Like a rubiks cube, he was shuffling himself back together.And with the help of Felix, Minho doesn’t think he has anything else to fear anymore.// Actual end to Broken/Chime
Relationships: Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: Broken [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1328600
Comments: 35
Kudos: 127





	Phobia

**Author's Note:**

> Remember when golden was the end to this series? Forget I said that. Here’s the actual ending...now when I say actual I just mean that I was so conflicted with how golden ended that I needed to write more to give some of the boys the best time imaginable—and ruin some others. Because they deserve it! 
> 
> I hope you guys like this addition and I am actually done here, I’m really happy with what happens in the end and...yeah I feel at peace with this.
> 
> Anyways! I have some minor disclaimers for anyone who isn’t aware that this fic is part of a series—there are mentions of past events. I’ll tag but Minho mentions events that took place in Chime especially! So if you are sensitive to mentions of sexual assault, don’t read! 
> 
> I don’t really know if I have anything else to say other than again, read the tags and thank you for reading this series/fic 💛
> 
> And as always, fiction. This is solely fiction and I’ve said a dozen times that my characters are NOT the actual boys in any way. They’re my characters with their faces and names for fandom/familiarity&comfort purposes.
> 
> I love the boys 1000%.💛
> 
> Also, if I happen to miss any tags please let me know!!!
> 
> **** Kim Woojin has been removed from this work and replaced with Chan

Phobia  
♡

So much time had passed since Minho had last thrown up his food. 

“Minho, I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, clawing at his scalp with his fingers. 

No. He had to stop. 

He couldn’t let Seungmin get to him. 

Fuck Seungmin. 

Minho splashed his face, carelessly getting droplets of water onto the white button up that Felix had loaned him for the day. He took a deep breath as he looked into the mirror, water dripping from his bangs as eyes looked the most bloodshot he’d ever seen. 

“Stop… ,” he told himself, swallowing thickly as he smacked his cheek gently, keeping his fingers against his cheek as he pulled himself upright. 

Everything is okay now. 

He took two pieces of gum from the pack in his back pocket, popping them into his mouth to hide that nasty odor of vomit. He would brush his teeth when he could. But he couldn’t right now. Not at the courthouse. 

Minho took a deep inhale through his nose as he chewed the gum vigorously, the weird feeling of the minty gum running through his nose causing his eyes to water. 

This was easy. It was supposed to be easy. 

So why didn’t it feel that way? 

“I’m so sorry, Minho.”

Maybe Minho was sorry. Though he didn’t have a reason to be, he’d quite possibly ruined Seungmin’s life. Though technically...Seungmin had done that all on his own. But Minho’s testimony hadn’t helped. 

Minho had to throw away his thankfulness to Seungmin, he had to forget that he’d saved his life in those mountains that day. Seungmin deserved this. This is honestly what Jisung deserved too, but Seungmin ruined that too. 

Disgusting, vile, manipulative Seungmin. 

Yeah, that’s what Minho had to remind himself. That Seungmin wasn’t his friend. He never was. Even Felix had spit in Seungmin’s face after hearing everything that Minho had to say about Seungmin.

Everything that had come out about him...

Minho’s only regret was not fully warning Felix. Maybe telling him over straight whiskey was a horrible idea. Telling him the night Minho had left Chan was awful, horrible. 

“I left him.” Minho couldn’t remember how much those words had stung originally. 

Part of him wished he’d called out Chan. He wished he’d ripped his heart out and told him that he knew about the videos Chan was actually getting off on. That Minho knew his boyfriend, who knew everything about Jisung, found it arousing to watch Minho being used by him. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to Chan. Ruining Seungmin was enough. 

Three bottles later and Minho had spilled...more than he ever wanted. Granted Felix was drunk. He, himself was drunk. But it didn’t make things any easier as Felix sobbed against Minho, whispering apologies and clinging to him bitterly. 

Telling Felix that Seungmin was a monster was going to happen eventually, but he shouldn’t have done it that night. Not when he was just as vulnerable. 

But he couldn’t hold it. The second he collected himself from sobbing over Chan, and just moments after Felix said that Minho had deserved better, he was spitting out about how Felix deserved better too. 

Felix was confused at first. He apologized that Seungmin had hurt him, but then Minho had to keep going. Minho couldn’t just stop. He panicked and blurted that Seungmin was cheating, that he was...Minho remembered vomiting at the mention of what Seungmin was actually doing. 

He hated himself for not telling Felix sooner. He hated himself for not reporting it sooner. Minho had to run through in his head over and over that he wasn’t this innocent being that Jisung had painted him to be. He was...he was so terrified to say anything. 

Why?

“Hey…”

Minho felt his anxiety bubbling up as he turned to see the man standing in the doorway to the public restroom, eyes weary and red. 

“I’m fine, Felix. I’m fine.”

Felix looked so stone cold, “it’s okay to not be. I’m not okay, either.”

Minho gripped the sink again, chewing the gum so hard he bit the inside of his cheek, wincing a moment before finally pulling himself upright to actually look at Felix, who’s as approaching with open arms. 

“I’m so sorry…”

Felix had always been warm. Always been comforting and warm. But right now Minho didn’t really want his warmth. Not right now. 

He pulled away quickly, taking another deep inhale as he tried his best to not spit his gum out. He needed the gum to mask the disgust. 

“I just—I never wanted you to have to hear any of that. I didn’t think about you—“

Felix reached for him again, retracting quickly with a sigh, “what he did...you had to tell. You couldn’t hide that, Minho.”

He wished he had. In ways this would only make everything worse. 

“He deserves this, Minho.” 

Felix didn’t deserve this. 

Minho and Felix took a few moments to collect themselves before leaving the bathroom. The pile of lawyers and whoever else at the end of the hall making Minho’s stomach turn. 

But the evidence was undeniable. Evidence Minho had to stomach through. 

Felix grabbed his shoulder as Minho looked one of the men in the eye, “we should get going. We don’t have to be here anymore.”

He knew that. But it still felt so wrong. He felt so guilty. 

After staring at the man who stared right back, Felix finally pulled Minho away. Down the opposite hall and around the corner. 

The whole thing had been terrible. Being called and being questioned about hiding things that Seungmin had done—it made his stomach knot. 

But whatever. Seungmin was behind bars. He’d been charged with...a lot more than Minho thought. But of course they cared more about the fact that he killed Jisung and had abused bodies at the morgue than anything else. 

He was glad this shit was over. After two more years of dealing with this shit—it was over. It was finally over. 

It felt nice in a way. All the bad was over. Finally over. 

Minho would deal with it. He just had to block out everything else. 

♡

Minho rubbed his eyes with his hand as he rested his head against the window. There was a rabbit outside. Minho usually loved rabbits. He really did. But his little rabbit Bomi had passed a little over a year ago. And he refused to get another pet while he was with Chan. He couldn’t stomach fighting over who would keep the animal—

“Hey, tea?”

Minho turned to the side, glancing up to Felix who had two mugs in grasp, “you should sleep.”

“Tea or sleep?” Minho asked, taking one of the mugs, “you know I can’t sleep.”

“It’s been two days. You have to.” Felix sighed, sitting across from him. 

Felix had freshly dyed his hair black, something Minho hadn’t seen since they met. Felix liked to keep his hair light. Or maybe Seungmin had. 

“I’ll sleep when I sleep.” Minho took the tea to his lips, ignoring how hot it was down his throat. The burn was nothing. 

“I’m serious, I know you’re stressed out...believe me, I know.” 

Minho had no right to be so upset. Not when it was Felix’s life that had altered. Seungmin being put behind bars had destroyed Felix, while it had freed Minho. 

“I’ll sleep.”

“When, Minho?”

“After my tea,” Minho snapped, directing his attention back to find the rabbit that must’ve hopped away. 

Minho clicked his tongue, turning to Felix who in return rolled his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Minho blurted. 

Felix watched Minho hard, eyes lacking any sort of light they’d held originally. 

“If I could take it back…” Minho paused, “no, I wish I’d done it sooner.”

It stung. But he couldn’t take it back. He didn’t want to. Seungmin deserved everything he received. He deserved to lose his license and be dragged from the morgue as Minho watched. He deserved to sit in court and watch Minho testify against him. He deserved to rot—

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’m sorry it took me being drunk to tell you the truth.”

Felix was quiet, “please get some sleep.”

“You haven’t slept either.” 

Felix’s eyes said it all, “it’s cold in the room. It was weird when he wasn’t there all those nights but...it feels so much colder knowing he’ll never be there again.”

Minho took a deep breath, “I’m so sorry.”

Felix sipped his tea silently, Minho finally capturing the glint in his eyes that made his chest tighten. 

He felt so fucking awful. 

“Do you want me to sleep in there?”

Felix gave Minho a look, “I appreciate that but...it’s not the same.”

“Okay,” Minho took another burning sip of tea, “I’m sorry, again.”

“Stop apologizing.”

So he did. 

Honestly, it was so hard talking to Felix. After Seungmin had been taken into custody, Felix became distant. He kept telling Minho he wasn’t upset with him, but he was lying. The way he looked at Minho for awhile…

Minho wished he hadn’t moved in with them. He really wished he wouldn’t have done that. Moving in with Seungmin and Felix after he left Chan had been his biggest regret. 

Maybe if he hadn’t moved in, Felix would be able to stomach looking at him. 

Minho felt so sick. He actually missed Seungmin sometimes. He missed his warmth and his laugh. He missed the way he’d yell at Felix and Minho to clean up their shit. 

He liked that Seungmin didn’t allow them to smoke. 

But they’d gotten beyond stopping now. 

Smoking was...he still blamed Felix for it. He blamed Felix for hooking him onto these sticks, but he’d grown to care less and less with time. They were like relieving pills, healing him with every inhale and exhale of smoke. 

Felix wasn’t bad. Minho had gotten it wrong. Maybe Jisung was right about him. Felix was yellow—or whatever. He was just a genuinely kind person. Smoking didn’t make him bad. And now that Minho enjoyed smoking, he couldn’t fault him for that either. 

Minho took the cigarette to his lips, staring off into space. Ever since Seungmin had been sentenced, he felt like he’d lost purpose.

He could always go after Chan—ruin his career and tell the world how he manipulated his vulnerable patient into sleeping with him. But that would be wrong. And a lie. Minho really had liked him. And if Chan hadn’t moved across the world, he'd probably have ran back to him. But Chan was gone. 

Minho extinguished the cigarette against his palm. It’s not something he should have still been doing. But with all the stress and pent up anxiety from refusing to go to his sessions, it was about the best therapy he could get. 

He could feel something that wasn’t regret. 

Minho winced as he pulled the cigarette away, wiping his hand against his hoodie before slipping back inside the apartment, leaving the cigarette in the used up ashtray. 

He should try to sleep. It was so late. Even Felix had gone to bed. Maybe. Had Felix actually gone to bed? Minho doubted that. 

So he calmed his nerves, staggering down the hall from the lack of sleep until he reached Felix’s room, the door still opened though the lights were off. Minho could see Felix huddled in the bed. He doubted he was sleeping. 

“Felix?” Minho tapped on the doorframe. 

And then he heard it, the choked sob and the rustling as Felix pulled himself out of the covers. Minho couldn’t see much from the dark but he could hear the sniffles. He could tell that Felix was definitely not okay. 

Minho wasn’t sure he’d ever be okay again. 

“Felix…” Minho approached slowly, careful not to trip on anything before he was able to sit on the side of the bed. 

Getting closer only made Felix’s state worse. The younger man was shaking, trying to hold his bitter sobs the best he could as Minho ran his hand along his back. 

“I’m so sorry...Felix I’m so sorry.”

Felix shook his head, Minho struggling to adjust to the dark room as Felix turned, face barely visible. 

“Stop apologizing for him...Minho you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t make him do what he did.”

Minho tensed, continuing the motion along his friends' back. 

Felix let out another strained sob, leaning his forehead against Minho’s chest, “I should have left him permanently when he told me what he’d seen that night. What he did to you...I shouldn’t have gone back to him after he tried to.... I shouldn’t have done that to you. I’m so fucking sorry...I was so weak and I just...I loved him.”

Minho pulled Felix close, resting his chin at the man's shoulder as Felix clutched Minho’s shirt. 

“I shouldn’t have ever gone back to someone who watched what he did...he watched it all and didn’t even try to help you…”

“Felix—“

“No,” Felix sat up, Minho’s vision finally adjusting to see the tears in his eyes, “he watched Jisung...he watched him do such awful things to you when he thought you were dead...I should have known that he was—“ Felix couldn’t continue. 

Minho’s stomach turned as he held Felix. He kind of wanted to leave. He wanted to run away, but he couldn't abandon Felix. Not right now. 

He had to stomach it. 

“Don’t say anything else please…” Minho whispered, closing his eyes tight, “just...don’t.”

Minho didn’t sleep that night. But Felix did. He passed out in Minho’s arms, and Minho just sort of held him close. Like old times before everything went to shit. 

If Minho hadn’t splurged that night to Felix..If he had been able to stomach what Chan was doing—would things be different for them? 

He wanted to throw up again. Like old times. 

But old times weren’t good times. He had to remember that. 

Minho shut his eyes tightly as he rocked Felix slightly. He wanted things to be okay. That’s all he wanted. All he needed. But they weren’t okay, because Felix was suffering. 

Seungmin being locked up was good for Minho. Really good. But it was bad for Felix. 

Felix couldn’t manage this as well as Minho was, of course he couldn’t. 

“Minho...he would come home after doing that horrible shit at his job to have sex with me.” 

Minho inhaled deep, trying to get rid of the dark thoughts that lingered. He felt so sick. He was just in this constant state of feeling sick and upset with himself. 

He wished he hadn’t said anything. Even if that meant he’d have to stomach holding Seungmin’s secrets. He would have done it for Felix. Maybe with time he could have gotten Seungmin to stop—

No. Seungmin was never going to stop what he was doing. He was sick. And Minho couldn’t fix that. 

——

“Minho?”

Minho glanced up from his glass of whisky. He didn’t like to drink much, but Felix for some reason kept bringing whisky into the house, and Minho was obviously not in the best place. So alcohol would be his new water. It was temporary. 

“Minho, are you there?” 

“What? I’m listening?”

Felix took a deep breath as he watched Minho close, “but are you actually here?”

“Yeah…” Minho brought the cup to his lips. 

“You didn’t sleep again, did you?”

“No.”

“Do I need to drag you to bed?” Felix sighed, taking too long a sip of his own cup. 

Minho took a sip of his own, “I can’t sleep.”

“When’s the last time you slept?”

“I’m not interested.”

Felix was stubborn. He’d always kind of been stubborn. Ever since they met he’d been like this. But Minho admired his stubbornness. 

Minho brought his newer hand to his mouth, black digits cool against his mouth as he yawned. He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten so used to having ability in his good hand again. He had nearly forgotten that it wasn’t actually his hand, rather than a bebionic replacement. Sometimes he really didn’t notice that his hand was still gone. It felt real. 

“If you don’t sleep I’ll kill you,” Felix laughed, tearing Minho’s hand from his mouth. 

Minho scrunched his nose, “really?”

Felix sighed, defeatedly sliding down into his chair as he kept drinking from his close to empty cup. 

“I’ll take that as a no,” Minho laughed, rubbing his other hand to his eye, “I promise I’ll sleep. Just not right now.”

“You won’t. You won’t sleep until you pass out. You’re worse than Seung—“

Felix caught himself, quickly sliding back up to stare down at the tabletop. 

Minho felt those bad feelings bubbling again. Thankfully the alcohol was controlling his nerves enough so he wasn’t panicking, but he could feel the anxiety boiling deep in his stomach. 

“I’m sorry Felix. I promise I’ll sleep, okay?”

“It’s fine.” Felix whispered as he took the bottle of whisky, filling his cup again. 

Minho would ignore that. Felix deserved to relax. And if whisky was helping, he wouldn’t stop him from drinking. Not tonight. 

“Chan called.”

Maybe the whisky wasn’t enough to keep Minho calm, “oh?”

“Yeah he...he said he wanted to talk to you.”

Minho tensed, clutching the glass tightly before bringing it to his mouth, “really…”

“I told him not to.”

Minho felt so nauseous, emptying his drink before sliding it across the table. He didn’t want to talk to Chan. Not at all. 

“I’m sorry for bringing that up. I just...I don’t know, I thought about my ex and then I guess I needed something to take my mind off of him—fuck, I’m sorry for bringing that asshole up.”

Minho forgot just how much he’d told Felix about Chan. He told him everything. And Felix was as rightfully upset, but at least he promised to never mention anything outside of their conversation about Chan to anyone. 

“It’s okay…”

“Oh god I fucked up...I’m so sorry,” Felix’s hand was so clammy, and he was clearly trembling as he touched Minho’s shoulder, “I’m sorry ignore me...don’t get sick. I don’t want you to get sick.”

He was beyond that. 

“No it’s fine. It’s fine.” Minho was lying, but maybe that was obvious by the way Felix looked at him. 

“I’m just drunk and stupid I didn’t mean to mention him...I shouldn’t have done that.”

Minho took a shaky breath, watching Felix the best he could. He knew he was shaking. He knew he wasn’t keeping it together well. 

“I’m so fucking sorry…

Minho just nodded, stomach bubbling in anxiety, “it’s...fine.”

“No it’s not. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I know how you feel and how bad he makes you feel and I’m just—“

Minho was drunk. And he was nauseous. And annoyed. Minho was five million things and he couldn't wrap his head around any of it. 

He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but it was either this or vomiting on the floor in front of Felix. 

The whisky had definitely done something to him. 

It wasn’t like he’d never kissed Felix before. They’d kissed once before for a stupid truth or dare game back when things were nice. Back when Seungmin and Chan watched in hunger as their boyfriends drunkenly made out on the floor. 

Minho didn’t want to think about that though. Honestly, his head was way too fuzzy to even comprehend what he was doing. 

He just knew he had his hand up Felix’s shirt as the artificial one settled at his hip. It’s not like he could feel it, but he wasn’t really sure where else to put his hand. 

Felix kissing him back was dangerous. Felix was kind of dangerous. He tasted like cigarettes and whisky. It was certainly unpleasant, but Minho knew he tasted the same way. 

Cigarettes and whisky. 

Minho didn’t know what he was doing. He just knew that he’d successfully dragged Felix into his bedroom and shoved him back onto the bed as he crawled on top of him. 

They were both drunk. They had to know that, right? Otherwise they wouldn’t be doing this together. Right? 

Felix gasped out, rolling his hips up into Minho’s sinfully slow. 

Minho hadn’t felt so worked up in a long time. He was blaming the alcohol for his recklessness as his tongue filled Felix’s mouth, sour taste of alcohol causing him to tremble. 

“Minho,” Felix broke their kiss, Minho running his hand along Felix’s stomach. He’d seen it a dozen times. Lay against it a dozen times, but he had never truly appreciated how firm and toned it was, “is this okay?”

Maybe Felix wasn’t as drunk as Minho thought. That was a good thing—what the fuck was Minho doing? 

“Can I touch you? Should we stop?” 

Minho couldn’t register logic properly, he studied Felix’s face, noticing just how glossy his eyes were, “is it okay?”

Felix tilted his head, running his fingertips so cautiously along Minho’s exposed stomach as they slipped under his own shirt, “is it?”

“Yeah…” he meant it. 

They were drunk, but everything felt okay. Everything felt safe and comfortable. 

Minho wasn’t panicking at the touch, nor was he even worried about how far whatever they were doing would go. 

Maybe they should have been more cautious. With their current situations maybe the last thing they should have been doing was having sex. 

But Minho couldn’t help it, and by the moans leaving Felix’s lips as Minho was a couple fingers deep inside of him, Felix couldn’t either. 

Two fingers? Was that even enough? It wasn’t like Minho had proper function in that hand. Not entirely. He would never fully recover. But two was the best he could do without hurting his own hand. And god, he couldn’t imagine using the artificial hand. He wouldn’t be able to feel anything properly—and the worry of hurting Felix was too great. 

Maybe Minho wasn’t as drunk as he thought as he slipped his fingers from the moaning mess beneath him. 

“Felix…”

Felix had his legs on either side of Minho’s hips, body tense and muscles clenched as Minho blinked through his thoughts. 

“Yeah?” Felix’s face was flushed, body drenched in sweat. 

“Should we stop?” He didn’t want to. 

“Do you want to?” He really didn’t want to. 

“Do you want to, Felix?” He hoped Felix didn’t want to either. 

“No. I want to keep going…” Felix wiggled his hips some, taking Minho’s artificial hand to lay against his hip, “really.”

They didn’t know what they were doing. Maybe they were both just so needy and exhausted that they didn’t care anymore. 

Maybe. 

Minho tensed as he leaned down to press his lips to Felix’s, whisky on their tongues heightening their pleasure as he guided his cock to Felix’s hole. Had he even used enough lube? He was clearly too fuzzy to really register. 

Being drunk was the only reason Minho was even able to do this. He hadn’t topped anyone since Hyunjin...and that was years ago. Five? He couldn’t remember how long it’d been. He just knew Felix had sort of assigned their roles, whispering between kisses about how he wanted Minho inside of him—which should have embarrassed Minho to death, but he was just too intoxicated to care. 

He also really wanted to fuck Felix. 

And he was impatient. From not having sex in...such a long time, he couldn’t help but release a long moan that, if he wasn’t drunk, would have probably embarrassed him way more than Felix’s begs and pleads. 

Felix was...of course, a lot tighter than he thought. Not to mention Minho wasn’t exactly small. Maybe they should have done more, but Felix really didn’t seem to mind. He had his hands all over Minho, from digging through Minho’s brown hair to grabbing onto his hips. 

It was weird. Of course it was weird. This was very different from Hyunjin, very different from the awkward girl who took his virginity. 

But for some reason it felt so amazing? Fulfilling. It felt fulfilling. 

Minho was as careful as he could be, spraying kisses across Felix’s jaw and throat as he gave the slightest thrusts. He’d never topped like this, he’d never been in control, but he was definitely enjoying it. 

And Felix must’ve been too, if not by the way he moaned than by the way he was clinging around Minho, drool running down his chin. 

Minho wondered how he looked. Probably a mess. A sweaty mess. But he didn’t care. He was way too absorbed in Felix to care. 

“Minho…” Minho took a deep breath, leaving the darkening spot at Felix’s throat to look him in the eyes, half worried and half too blissed out to care. 

“Yeah?”

“Can you cum inside of me?”

He didn’t expect that. Nor was he really sure what to do with that. But he wouldn’t say no. In this state he could bury himself in Felix’s warmth forever. 

Warm. Felix was so fucking comfortable...and warm. Despite his haze of whisky, he was so fucking pleased and comfy. He wasn’t at all worried or nervous. He wasn’t terrified of being touched. He was completely fine with Felix’s nails in his hips. 

Maybe it was because he was drunk. Or maybe it was because he had complete control of the situation. Something he’d never had. Ever. 

Minho wasn’t ever allowed the control. Not in the bedroom at least. 

This was so new and he just prayed he’d remember this the next morning. He knew he was drunk. He knew they were both drunk. But he badly wanted to remember this. 

“Yeah,” Minho left Felix’s stare to lock their lips, hooking his arms comfortably underneath of Felix as he took more control of his thrusts, Felix’s cock leaking against his stomach as he fucked into him with more force. 

He didn’t want to hurt him. Minho was still aware enough to be careful. He had to be. 

“Minho!” Felix’s body was trembling, arms looping around Minho’s neck as whimpery moans left his mouth, “I’m gonna cum, Minho!” 

Minho just nodded against him, crashing their lips together messily. He could taste the drool and whisky all over him. It was incredible. 

Felix had his hands in Minho’s hair, a loud moan leaving his lips as he shivered under him, the obvious stickiness of cum between their stomachs as Felix came. 

And he was so close. He was so incredibly close. 

Minho increased his pace, keeping a watchful eye on Felix’s expression as their teeth clacked together, saliva messy between them. Were these even proper kisses anymore? 

Minho didn’t fucking know. 

He knit his brows as his stomach coiled, body heating up considerably as he pressed his false hand into the sheets rather than digging it further into Felix’s slightly bruised hip. He wouldn’t last more than a few more seconds at his rate. He could taste the sweat pounding down his temples and mixing with their kisses. 

Kinda gross. Kinda hot. 

Felix didn’t seem to mind, anyways. 

Neither did Minho. Not as his mouth slack open against Felix’s own, and not when he buried himself deep into Felix, hand pressed hard against the younger man's back as he released another embarrassingly loud moan. 

And then he collapsed. It was sticky and hot, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t even pull himself out properly as he rested his head into Felix’s neck where he’d definitely made some noticeable marks…

Felix’s breaths were rapid yet reassuring, and the nails dug into his scalp weren’t that harsh. It was actually really nice. 

Minho took a moment to collect himself before finally pulling himself out, glancing at the white that ran down Felix’s inner thigh as he raised his knees. 

“It’s really hot…” Felix spoke after some time of Minho laying against Felix, watching him calmly. 

“Should I get up?” Minho whispered out, fuzziness causing him to feel even heavier. 

“No...sleep, you need to sleep.” 

Minho forgot about their conversation. He nuzzled back into Felix’s neck, his own breaths staggered and choppy as every exhale from his nose blew hair up from Felix’s neck. 

“Okay Felix.”

It was probably a shitty idea to sleep after that. Leaving Felix a mess covered in his own cum was probably a shitty idea too. Irresponsible. Shit that Jisung liked to do. But Minho would blame the alcohol for the night. 

He had to. 

Minho couldn’t really remember where he even was when he woke up again. 

It wasn’t even morning. Why was he awake?

Minho took a deep breath as he pulled himself up from the bed, realization hitting very slowly. Along with the headache. 

He clasped his temples, releasing an annoyed whine as he shifted in the bed. 

He knew what had happened last night. Even if all the evidence had been cleaned up…

Felix must’ve cleaned them up. Something that Minho really should have done instead. 

“Fuck.” 

Minho pulled himself out of the bed, grabbing discarded sweatpants from the ground and slinking them up his waist. He wasn’t even sure these were his pants. It was too dark to tell. 

Minho knew what happened last night, he couldn’t remember specific details. He couldn’t remember how things had ended. But he remembered enough, he thought. 

He fucked his friend. He fucked Felix. They had sex. 

He hated how his head felt as he left the room, running his fingers through his matted hair. 

He needed to shower. Though Felix had cleaned the cum from his stomach, he was so sticky. Everything felt so uncomfortable and sticky. 

How the fuck would he face Felix? 

Minho halted in the hallway, looking down to the artificial hand as he caressed his wrist. He really...he didn’t feel bad. He didn’t feel like things had gone badly at all, though he was a dick for falling asleep on Felix. 

“Hey,” Minho felt anxiety bubble in his stomach as his eyes left his wrist to look up at Felix, the man standing dressed comfortably in a hoodie and a pair of shorts he probably hadn’t washed in too long judging by the Cheeto stain and the significant lack of Cheetos in the house. 

“Hi.”

The corner of Felix’s mouth rose slightly, “you didn’t sleep long.”

“I’m so sorry.” 

Minho wasn’t sure why that was the first thing to leave his mouth. Maybe the guilt was bubbling too harshly in his throat. He couldn’t stand it. Was it guilt? It must’ve been. 

Felix’s expression fell, “for what?”

“For…” Minho wasn’t really sure what he was sorry for more—having sex with Felix, or neglecting him afterwards. 

“Unless you didn’t want to...there’s no reason to be sorry, Minho.” Felix narrowed his eyes in worry, “you wanted to, right?”

“Yeah...yeah I—“

“Minho, calm down.” Felix was touching his arms, rubbing them gently. Minho must’ve been more freaked out than he felt, “don’t be so stressed. Look at me,” Felix was touching his chin now, angling Minho’s face to look at him, “why are you panicking? Should I not have…?”

“It’s not you…” Minho didn’t mean to let out a whimper, he immediately cringed after, “I just…”

“Do you want to shower?”

Minho couldn’t find the proper words. 

“You’re all hot and sticky,” Felix scrunched his nose, “I took one earlier...I wanted you to sleep but I probably should have dragged you to the shower, huh?”

Minho felt so nauseous. 

“Min…” Felix ran his hands back to Minho’s arms, meeting both wrists and holding onto them filmy, “let’s get you a shower, okay?”

“I'm sorry for falling asleep on you...for leaving you to clean yourself up. I don’t...I’m so sorry—“

“You were exhausted…,” Felix pouted, “I’m not mad at you. I wanted you to sleep and...you did.”

Minho felt so awful. 

Felix got close, cigarette smoke lingering off his lips, “shower?”

Minho didn’t want to fight that. He really did want one. And maybe to throw up, too. 

But Felix wouldn’t leave. He stayed in the bathroom as Minho reached the shower, warm water smacking his skin. 

Maybe Felix could tell he was sick—felt sick. He felt sick. 

Why did he feel so sick?

Ah. 

“I feel bad for...not cleaning you up. Not...I feel bad that you were drunk. I feel like I—“

Felix interrupted him by smacking the shower curtain from the outside, “you didn’t do anything wrong. You were drunk too, Minho. You said that you wanted to do it, know that I did too.”

Minho was still uneasy. 

“Minho, I’m serious...I remember most of it. It was really nice. Refreshing. If you didn’t want to then I'm the one who should be sorry.”

He wanted to vomit so badly. 

“It’s not that, Felix.” Minho took a deep breath, holding his nausea the best he could, “I just feel like I—“

The curtain opened, Minho turning his head to face Felix, “you didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do, right?”

Minho shook his head, he felt hot everywhere. 

“Do you need to throw up, Min? I’ll hold your hair.”

Minho wanted to collapse, but instead his lip quivered and he shuddered into himself as Felix stepped into the shower with him. 

“Minho.”

“You wanted to do that with me, right?” 

Felix nodded, running his fingers into Minho’s hair, “yeah, I did.”

Minho still felt uneasy, “I’m sorry for freaking out I just...I h-haven’t.”

“No stuttering,” Felix laughed, “maybe we shouldn’t have done that last night, huh?”

“I can’t believe we did.” He was trying not to be so shaky, but he couldn’t help his nerves. 

“I think we both needed it…”

Minho drew a breath as Felix shampooed his hair, “I haven’t in a really long time.”

“Me either.”

“I haven’t been...in control since Hyunjin.”

The name itself had Minho doubling over and rushing to the toilet, vomiting the little contents. 

He fucking hated vomiting. 

But Felix was right there, placing a towel around him, “your hair is soapy, Min.”

Minho wanted to laugh, but his throat stung. And so did his head. 

——

“It’s not you. It’s seriously not you.” Minho’s head had calmed. He felt a lot calmer now that he was out of the shower and settled on the couch with some tea. 

“I figured when you name dropped him. Are you feeling better?” Felix asked from the other side of the couch, “I didn’t know that you hadn’t—“

“Yeah Jisung never let me.” Jisung’s name was so much easier to say, “and Chan kind of stayed in control too.”

“I should have asked how you wanted to—“

“No, I enjoyed that to be honest, I really enjoyed it.” Minho could feel his face reddening, “I’m just not used to being in control so I got really worried when I passed out on you that I was treating you like Jisung used to treat me I guess.”

“You passing out from lack of sleep after sex isn’t like him. At least not from what you’ve told me. You’re nothing like him, okay?”

Felix had barely known Jisung. 

“Thanks…”

“I’m sorry for what I brought up yesterday. I think I forgot about it for a bit but after some rest...it’s fresh in my mind again. I’m so sorry for bringing Chan up like that.”

Minho sighed, “I was drunk and lacked sleep. Everything was getting to me. Has he contacted you since you told him to leave me alone?”

Felix was tense, “kind of, he’ll be in town next week.”

He took a sip of his tea before sliding down into the cushions, “I really don’t want to see him.”

“Tell him that,” Felix watched Minho close, “I don’t want to see him either. It’s easy not to punch him in the face via text but...I don’t know what I’ll do if he comes here.”

“I’m sorry I told you about what he did.”

Felix frowned, “you need to tell him that you know.”

Minho shook his head, eyes leaving Felix, “I can’t do that. I really can’t do that.”

“Why not? I’m here, nothing is going to happen to you.”

Minho felt so uncomfortable again, “I don’t want to see his face. I don’t want his excuses either. I just want him to disappear.”

“I’ll tell him to leave you alone, but he doesn’t know what he did wrong, Minho. He’s not gonna listen to me.”

Minho took an annoyed breath, “how am I supposed to tell him that I know he was getting off to videos of me in that way? Felix literally...I don’t want to fucking see him.”

“I love you to death, Minho. But I really think you should tell him so he stays away from you.” 

Minho shook his head, “I’ll just avoid him.”

Felix looked at Minho hard, “has that worked in the past?”

Minho shook his head, “I can’t stomach him. It was hard enough breaking up with him the first time...he was, I can’t fucking see him.”

“Do you still love—“

“Fuck no.” Did he ever love Chan? Maybe. He didn’t know, “I just want to move on and I feel like I’m trapped all the fucking time.”

“I’ll try to keep him away if he calls again.”

Minho shut his eyes tightly, “the worst thing is I feel like he knows that I know, and instead of telling me he’s keeping more secrets. I can’t deal with that. I don’t want to hear him try to excuse himself. I can’t.”

Minho felt Felix plop down beside him, “calm...I’ll try.”

Minho opened his eyes, sighing at Felix’s pouting face at his shoulder, “I’m such a fucking mess.”

“You’re not a mess. You’re a rubik's cube.”

Minho arched his brow, “what?”

“You’re just a little scrambled.”

“Felix, your brain is so...,” Minho laughed, nudging Felix off before reaching down across the coffee table to grab Felix’s pack of cigarettes, “come smoke with me?”

Everything felt so normal with Felix. He hadn’t changed at all despite what had happened between them. It almost felt like it never happened. 

“Are you okay?” Minho felt like things were too normal. 

Felix exhaled smoke from his lips, turning to face Minho, “yeah?”

“When are we going to talk about it?”

“What do you mean?”

Minho stared at the cigarette between his fingers, “we had sex.”

“We did talk about it?”

“What does it mean?” Minho asked, drawing a sharp breath as his eyes met Felix’s. 

Felix was quiet. 

“It’s not the first time we’ve kissed but we actually slept together…”

“I’ve been thinking about what I’m feeling, I don’t know.” Felix sounded so unsure, cigarette pressed to his lips, “I’ve always liked you.”

Minho scooted himself close to Felix, laying his head onto the man's shoulder, staring out at the sky, “I’ve always liked you too, Felix.”

“When we met…”

“I was terrified of you. Both of you.”

“You were so fragile and...I don’t know I wanted to protect you so badly. Especially after what he did...becoming friends with you was the best decision of my life.”

Minho laugher, “I’m glad I let you in...both of you.”

“You keep saying both,” Felix laughed, lips pressing into Minho’s hair, “I’m sorry Seungmin hurt you.”

“I’m sorry he hurt you too, I really am.”

“We attract toxic people, huh?”

Minho nuzzled into him comfortably, eyes falling shut as he breathed in Felix’s scent. He had always been so comforting. So safe. Ever since they met. 

“I’ll talk to Chan. I’ll tell him everything.”

“Good.”

“Can we have sober sex?”

Felix seemed taken aback by that statement, coughing out smoke as he pressed his cigarette against the steps, “what?”

“I want to have sex with you again.”

Minho wasn’t really sure why he wanted to sleep with Felix, he really liked him. He’d always liked him. He meant that. He always meant that. 

“You can top...I can top, I don’t care. I just want to sleep with you right this time.”

Felix pressed more kisses into Minho’s hair before lifting minhos face by his chin, smile across his freckled face, “how often is this going to happen?”

“Can I be transparent with you?” Minho asked, eyes falling to those pink lips, “sometimes I wished you or Seungmin would have done something with me.”

“You know why we never did,” Felix whispered, his own eyes seeming to linger on Minho’s own lips, “with everything that happened...we agreed to never insinuate anything like that…”

“So you thought about it?” Minho scooted close, noses brushing against one another. 

Felix nodded, fingers reaching to brush along Minho’s lips before colliding their lips together, Minho releasing a happy sigh as he ran his hand up Felix’s thigh, feeling the skin underneath his shorts. 

Had he always wanted to sleep with Felix, not really. For a long time he didn’t want to think about sex. But gradually, with time, those feelings of want had come out. Maybe before the feelings for Chan came up. Minho spent so much time with Seungmin and Felix—it was inevitable that he’d want to be with them in some way. 

In a weird, horrible way, he was finally getting the opportunity to try something with Felix. He never thought it would be like this. He didn’t think that Seungmin would be in prison, or that Chan would move away. He didn’t think he’d ever feel comfortable—

But there he was, hands all over Felix again as they made out in the living room. They hadn’t even made it to the bed before Felix was shoving his hand down his pants.

Anyone else and Minho would have been stressed, so anxious to leave—but Felix was so fucking comfortable. He’d always been comfortable. Felix had never hurt him. The cigarette burning was never Felix’s fault. Minho had chosen to do that to himself, he just blamed Felix because it was easier at the time. 

Felix had never hurt him. 

Minho took a deep breath as Felix’s hand worked his cock, pants hot against his legs as Felix’s tongue wrapped around his own. 

They were doing it again. It had only been a day...maybe less?! 

It was so fast, and maybe it wasn’t a good idea considering he still had no clue just how okay Felix was.

Minho didn’t want to feel arrogant, but he knew he had a nice dick. It wasn’t small and he knew that they hadn’t done enough last night while they were drunk. How Felix was walking around the house like nothing had happened was...it was hard to get by. Maybe Felix was a good actor. 

“Felix,” Minho pulled his lips away, breath frantic as Felix’s fingers pressed against his slit, overwhelmed just by this much attention. 

“Hm?” Felix watched him carefully, giving tiny presses against the head of minhos cock, causing his body to jolt. 

“We shouldn’t...I shouldn’t top again, right?”

Felix froze, “are you sure about that?”

Minho was...as sure as he could be. Though he wasn’t sure just how okay with topping Felix was. 

“Have you ever?”

“Yeah I have...Seungmin was more interested in topping but we switched a lot...are you sure you’re okay with that?”

Minho took a deep breath, “I’m not glass…”

“I know that,” Felix cupped Minho’s cheek, running his thumb across minhos bottom lip, “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to do that for me.”

“How sore are you, really?”

Felix scrunched his nose, “Seungmin wasn’t small either, you know?”

Minho took a deep breath, face hot as Felix pressed a giggly kiss against his lips. 

“I’m not all that big...I don’t think I’d hurt you.”

“Do you want me to…?” Felix didn’t seem to understand what Minho meant until he pried himself from Felix, pressing the man onto his back at the couch as he crawled down his waist. 

“Oh?! Minho you don’t have to—“

“I want to,” Minho whispered back, prying the waistband of Felix’s shorts back to examine the tip of Felix’s pretty cock. 

He really wasn’t that big. Of everyone Minho had slept with, he thought Felix was the smallest. But it wasn’t terribly small. And it wasn’t intimidating or anything—it was cute. Was cute a proper word?! 

Felix drew a breath as Minho ran his lips across his shaft, pulling his shorts and briefs down with artificial fingers. 

“Minho…”

Minho remembered how vocal Felix had been when they had sex. Even though he had been drunk, he remembered that Felix hadn’t stopped calling out his name…

He wanted that again. 

Minho took no time in wrapping his cushioned lips around the head of Felix’s cock, sucking against his tip as precum ran down his throat. Salty, but not horrible. 

“Minho...Minho…” Felix was arching his back already, moving fingers to Minho’s hair, careful with his tugging as Minho slid his tongue from his mouth to lick the underside of Felix’s cock. 

Felix let out such pretty sounds, filling the room with concupiscent moans and alluring sighs. 

“You’re cute, Felix.” 

Felix laughed at that, chest rising and falling as Minho bobbed his head along the length. He could easily fit Felix into his mouth without the fear of gagging or stressing himself out, and Felix seemed to be enjoying every second. 

Minho hallowed his cheeks, running his hands up Felix’s thighs to give gentle squeezes. 

Felix seemed to be in a state of euphoria he’d never witnessed, body so tense and voice so loud. He was enjoying it so much.

That’s all Minho wanted, for Felix to enjoy things. He’d feel awful if Felix wasn’t having a good time with him, but he seemed just as eager and excited as Minho was. 

“Ahh! Minho I’m gonna cum, where should I cum?” Felix sounded a little panicked, back arching and body tensing underneath Minho’s hands. 

Minho popped off, running his lips along Felix’s shaft, “where do you want to cum?”

Felix looked at Minho with teary eyes, “anywhere…”

Minho took a deep breath, “you can cum in my mouth, it’s okay.”

Felix seemed a little worried as Minho guided his mouth back around Felix’s cock, the younger letting out moans of anticipation as his thighs trembled under Minho’s hands. 

“M-Minho, I’m—“

Minho tensed as the feeling of cum filled his mouth, trickling down the back of his throat and dizzying him. 

He hadn’t done this in a long time. Even with Chan he’d been so wary about doing it. But he wasn’t scared or regretful. He liked the taste. He liked how Felix was relaxing after releasing his strained moans, and how comfortable it all felt. 

Felix was so insanely comfortable. Minho couldn’t believe how calm he felt as he popped off of Felix’s cock, swallowing the cum he could before crawling up Felix’s chest, running his hands underneath the large hoodie. 

“Minho...I can barely breath,” Felix laughed, watching Minho a moment before leaning up to lock their lips. 

Minho melted, falling against Felix’s chest as they kissed. Felix. He liked Felix a lot. He’d always liked Felix. He always felt comfortable with Felix. From the start Felix had provided comfort without treating him like a fragile doll.

He really adored Felix. 

After a long make out session Minho found himself on the couch, head pressed into the pillows as Felix settled between his thighs, one of minhos legs hanging off the couch. 

“Minho, you’re positive, right?!” Felix had asked a few times now, lube covered fingers reaching minhos hole cautiously, “I don’t want to hurt you, okay?”

Minho took a deep breath, Felix’s finger filling him slow, “you won’t. I promise you won’t…”

“Is it because I’m small?” Felix teased, mouth stretching into a happy grin that had Minho melting again. 

“I trust you, Felix.”

Felix gave Minho an endearing look before moving his finger slow, lips locking back with Minho’s. He was being cautious. 

Minho pressed into the kiss, locking a leg around Felix’s thigh to hold him there, letting his tongue explore Felix’s mouth that tasted more like cigarette smoke and less like the whisky from the other night. 

He really did like Felix. A whole lot. 

Minho’s head spun as Felix did his best to loosen him, fingers so much smaller than he’d ever had. Minho really hadn’t realized just how tiny he was. He was so small. A lot smaller than himself. Minho knew his hands weren’t all that big—well, hadn’t been. But Felix? He was tiny. Very tiny. 

Felix ran his fingers along minhos thigh as he added another finger, Minho pulling himself up to watch Felix bury his fingers to the knuckle. 

Minho watched Felix's fingers a moment longer before his eyes ran up to Felix’s face, admiring how deep his tooth had sunken into his bottom lip. 

Why was he so cute?

Minho arched his back as Felix jammed another finger inside of him, body expectant for more as Felix wiggled around experimentally. 

He could handle it. He wasn’t at all nervous. He wasn’t getting PTSD from Jisung nor Chan. He was...really comfortable. He couldn’t explain why he was so comfortable with Felix. He just felt so much like—

Minho threw his head back, body tensing as Felix’s fingers pulled out suddenly, the empty feeling causing his muscles to tighten. 

“Sorry I can’t reach a whole lot,” Felix laughed, pulling minhos face up by the chin, grazing their lips softly. It was so domestic? Felix was—

He felt like—

“You’re sure about this?” Felix asked again as he pulled minhos hips up slowly, fingers brushing carefully along his thighs, “like positive?”

Minho raised both hands to Felix’s chest, running them along the lines as Felix shivered. 

“Cold?” Minho asked, the black digits of the artificial hand meeting Felix’s nipple, the man releasing a soft moan in response. 

“Very…”

“Felix.”

Felix took a moment to compose himself before giving Minho the sexiest half lidded look, “yeah?”

“I’m sure.”

Felix was careful, gentle. It was nice and considerate, but Minho always had this thing about not being treated like glass. He wouldn’t break. He’d be fine. He remembered all the times he’d asked Chan to be rough only to be told no. Chan was so careful with him...and for some fucked reason it was sort of a turn off. 

“You can do whatever you want to me, Felix.”

Felix took a deep breath, finally starting to rock his hips as his hand glued to Minho’s hip, “I know you say that but…”

“I mean it. Seriously I don’t care,” Minho snapped, chest rising and falling quickly as Felix rolled his hips, cock filling Minho comfortably. He hadn’t had sex in ages anyways, it was a good thing Felix wasn’t that big. Comfortable. 

“Well I do,” Felix laughed, leaning down to brush his lips against Minho’s before giving a sole deep thrust that had Minho rolling his eyes and releasing an embarrassing moan. 

“F-Felix!” 

“Just a little,” he continued, Minho struggling to keep up with Felix’s lips as he began to fuck into him more mercilessly, causing Minho to grip Felix’s arms tight, mouth slacking. 

It felt nice. It had been so long since someone...he didn’t want to compare. He really didn’t want to do that. 

“Good?” Felix asked, grabbing Minho’s chin, studying Minho as their eyes met.

“Really good…” Minho whispered as Felix increased the pace, Minho releasing more desperate moans while Felix ran his hand along Minho’s chest, the other sliding down to slip around his throat, only caressing his neck as lips crashed comfortably. 

Felix was...he was—-

“Ah!” Minho wrapped one of his legs around Felix, the younger man managing to reach his prostate, freezing Minho who started to cling to him. 

Felix was releasing his own heavy breaths as he leaned into Minho, wrapping an arm around Minho’s back as he rocked his hips with more power. 

Minho could remember the last time he felt this good. He hated the memory—but he really hoped Felix could replace that. He wanted so badly to forget all of those negative experiences and replace them with Felix. 

Felix?! 

Minho felt Felix’s hand around him cock, pumping him as Minho whimpered under the stress. He wanted to cum so badly. But it was so fast, wasn’t it? 

“It’s okay, you can cum.” It was like Felix could read his thoughts, lips moving to kiss minhos temple and ear as Felix thrust hard, teasingly rolling his hips and giving Minho ridiculously pleasing attention to his cock. 

Minho couldn’t hold it anyways, he released a lengthy moan filled with bliss, body trembling as he came, Felix still rocking with just as much force. 

He really liked Felix. 

Felix threw his own head back, strained moans of his own leaving his lips as Minho felt the thick liquid around Felix’s cock, causing Minho’s vision to spot a moment. 

Home. 

“You feel like home…” Minho whispered out as Felix collapsed against him, arm tight around his back. 

He was still inside of Minho, lazily rocking his hips as he rode his orgasm. It was so sticky, not that Minho minded. Though the couch…

“Home? I feel like home?” 

Minho caught his vision and breath, running his fingers through Felix’s messy black hair, “yeah...ever since you started taking care of me I’ve never been more comfortable…”

Felix laughed, wrapping his other arm around Minho, nuzzling into his neck, “I’m glad I make you comfortable, Minho.” 

“You’ve always been...I used to blame you too. For things.”

Felix looked to Minho, watching him curiously. 

“When I would burn myself with cigarettes...I for some reason blamed you. I needed to make everyone around me seem as toxic as—I mean Seungmin and Chan fit those toxic traits but you...never have.”

“Minho…”

Minho whimpered out as he tried to turn, Felix sliding himself out and turning on his side to face Minho, “I’ve always really adored you...more than anyone else you’ve just never given me a reason to dislike you or feel uncomfortable...even when we met you asked what my favorite color was…” 

“Mint.”

Minho laughed, watching Felix comfortably, “you’ve always had this weird safety vibe...you don’t necessarily treat me like everyone else.”

“I just really care about you...I don’t know I definitely have my caution but I know that’s the last thing you want. You don’t want to be seen as weak or unable to do anything after what happened...I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable ever.”

Minho studied Felix’s face, “I don’t think you could ever do that to me...you—you have no idea how comfortable it is knowing that you stood by me…”

Felix took a deep breath, “what happened...I should have left him sooner. I shouldn’t have gotten back together with him after what he did—“

“When I told you the whole truth...you left him.”

Felix pulled himself up slightly, pressing his lips against Minho’s, “he’s a monster.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner—“

“You’re home too.”

Minho let out a laugh, nuzzling their noses as their lips continued to press lazily, “I am?”

“Yes. You’re home. I would leave the house over and over again for home.”

Minho took a moment to register that one. 

“Seungmin was...he wasn’t home. Not after what he did. He was just a house...and I should have left so much sooner.”

Minho sigh pleasantly as Felix’s lips got more lively. He figured they’d fall asleep kissing like this, so he pulled down the fluffy blanket from the back of the sofa to haul over them, Felix holding onto him so tightly yet loose enough to avoid discomfort. 

Felix was home. Felix had probably always been home. Minho Wished he would have acted sooner. He could have been with him so much earlier. They could have avoided so much heartache if Minho had just told Felix about what Seungmin had really done. 

He regretted it. 

But he was with him now. In some form, he was comfortable. Content. He really really liked Felix. 

——-

Time went fast. And Minho found himself worrying over the fact that he agreed to meet Chan. After a week of contemplation and resentment, he decided to at least try. 

“Do you want to like...date me or something?”

It was casual. A little unexpected which caused Minho to choke on his ramen, eyes wide and fixated on Felix’s expressionless face. 

“What?”

Felix smirked, sitting up in his chair as he patted Minho’s back, “Ah, you know what I mean…”

“You’re kidding?”

“No, not really.”

“You’re asking me hours before I see him?”

“Is he competition?” Felix asked, leaning close to brush his lips against Minho’s cheek, causing the elder to shudder, “or am I safe?”

Christ. Minho really liked Felix. A lot. But how fucked would it be to...make things more than just the two of them having sex. It wasn’t like Minho didn’t want to—it felt fast. Even though it wasn’t. He’d known Felix for years. They’d kissed before. They’d cuddled like a couple. They were so domestic that anyone would think they’d been married for years. 

“He’s definitely not...but are you like—“ Minho let out a soft moan as Felix’s lips trailed his throat. 

“Am I what?” Felix pulled out of his chair to crawl into Minho’s lap, pushing the chair back to fit into the space between the table, arms loose around Minho’s neck. 

Minho let out a soft moan, running his fingertips along Felix’s soft skin at his hips, “sure, are you sure?” He choked out, eyes rolling back as Felix began sucking on his neck casually. 

Felix rolled his hips, Minho’s cock hardening fast and uncomfortably in his pants, “I’m sure, are you?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s something we can do—“

“Good.” 

Minho leaned back into his chair as he locked his arms around Felix’s waist, head spinning with pleasure as Felix kept it up at his throat, “Felix—“

Felix laughed against his neck before pulling off with a pop, licking his lips as his eyes met Minho’s, “don’t hide that from Chan when you see him.”

Minho felt so flushed, struggling to raise his head as Felix grabbed hold of his face. 

“You’re so weird, Minho.”

Minho couldn’t contain his smile as Felix held his head in place, “you’re weird too.”

“Wait, are we dating?”

“That sounds so juvenile,” Minho teased, getting a cute laugh from Felix, “dating.”

Felix smiled wide, “I’m not complaining…”

“Not to rush our feelings, we’ve only known each other for I don’t know, five or so years? But I love you.” Minho whispered. 

“Woah Minho, too fast!” Felix teased before pressing his lips to Minho’s, cupping his face as he released happy little sounds, “I love you too.”

He really did love Felix. He’d always loved Felix—Seungmin too. At a point in his life they were all he had. For a long time they were his only support. He’d never forget that, and even if he disliked Seungmin and everything he did, he just couldn’t hate him and replace all those years of happiness. 

Felix and Seungmin had been good for him. So good that he was comfortable and happy again so good that he wasn’t afraid or most things he could have been. They were crutches and they held him up perfectly. 

Chan. 

Minho wasn’t entirely sure why he agreed to see Chan. He had nothing to—okay he had a lot to say. But he didn’t think it would be appropriate. Even though Chan had really harmed him, he wasn’t sure how he’d bring it up. And Chan had this...weird docile nature that would make things so hard. 

And fuck, what was he doing? 

Minho sat patiently, watching the leaves blow across the ground. A park. It was more private than a cafe, and if Minho needed to run he could easily get away. The park felt good. It felt right. 

Seeing Chan after over a year felt wrong. 

He looked fine. Happier than he expected, which made him feel all the more sicker for what he planned to say. 

“Hey,” this was so fucking uncomfortable. Chan was standing there, hands in his long coat as he watched Minho with curiosity. Maybe Minho looked terrified or something. Because he was. 

“Hi.”

Minho didn’t know what to do. He kept his hands in his own pockets before pulling himself up from the bench, taking a deep breath before outstretching the black digits of the artificial hand. 

“Oh?!”

Chan didn’t know about his hand. He didn’t know that Minho had found somewhere that actually offered to help him out. Expensive still, but he appreciated that company. Appreciated the hand. He appreciated the normalcy. 

“Ah,” Minho scratched the back of his head as Chan shook the artificial hand slow, “it's not that old…”

“It looks amazing!” Chan was too excited. Too bubbly. 

“It’s definitely a help…” Minho slipped his hands away again, taking a seat as Chan settled beside him. 

He smelled the same. He looked only a tad different, and he still held that professional yet cozy atmosphere. 

“How’ve you been?” The classic question. 

Minho took a deep breath, “I’ve been good, honestly...how’s—“

“It’s okay. It’s not home.”

The way Chan said that had minhos heart pounding. And not in the butterflies and rainbows way, the bad fiery way. The way that stung. 

“Ah…”

“How’ve you been, Minho?”

Horrible mixed with great. But that didn’t sound right, did it? 

Minho must have stared at him for too long, because Chan’s expression fell completely. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me everything about Seungmin?”

That was a very different direction from where Minho thought this would go. 

“He was...Minho why didn’t you tell me?”

Minho felt numb. Mixed with some anxiety. 

“I didn’t want to tell anyone…”

“What made you change your mind?” 

You, mixed with some alcohol and Felix. But he couldn’t tell him that, could he?

“Felix didn’t deserve that.”

Chan took a deep breath, “I wish I’d known. You know I’ve always…” Chan halted, “I’m sorry.”

He was too kind. A facade. 

“He’s never liked you either.”

“It was obvious.”

Minho cleared his throat, looking off to the side. He didn’t really want to be there. And he didn’t know why he was there. Not anymore. 

“I missed you.” He didn’t want to hear that. 

Minho inhaled sharp, brain buzzing and eyes struggling to fixate on any particular particle that was bouncing around his vision. 

“I didn’t miss you.”

Toxic. It felt like toxic sludge and Minho immediately wanted to choke it back down. But it was out there, and Minho couldn’t help but look up to see the pain in Chan’s eyes. 

He had no choice. 

“You...you really have no idea that I know, do you?”

Chan’s pain was mixing with confusion, “what did I do, Minho?”

Minho just stared. What the fuck was he supposed to say?

“I keep going back trying to find a real reason...needing time and space to yourself wasn’t true, was it? You leaving me because you were struggling with Bomi’s death and needed separation was a lie too, right? What did I do? Minho did I ever hurt you or...please tell me.”

Minho could feel them, no he could see them. Tears smacking his hand as tried his best to stay composed. 

“Minho…”

He had to tell him. 

“You know…,” Minho’s body tensed, “it was never the videos of Jisung and me that broke my heart.”

Oh fuck. He was doing this, wasn’t he?

Chan was silent. 

“It was never the shows I did with him that...when you got off to them I was disappointed but it was never a deal breaker...I loved you.” Yeah, he had loved Chan. There was no maybe. He did love him. 

Minho could feel the tension. Chan’s heart was in shambles. And Minho’s was too. 

Minho released a shaky sob, “it was that video that destroyed it all.”

Hyunjin. Jisung. That video. The video that started it all. The video that he begged people to not watch or look for. The video that people had harassed his parents with. The video he was sure the entire world could find with any search engine. 

The video. The video that rang with chimes and sobs. 

“Minho…”

“How could you get off to that?”

Chan’s face was stone. 

“Tell me,” Minho was struggling to keep himself upright, “did you watch it before or after we got together?”

Chan was staring right through Minho. And it wasn’t that he didn’t care. Minho could see the regret and pain all over his face. But maybe that just made everything a thousand times worse. 

“Chan…” Minho was sobbing. He didn’t fucking like sobbing. He didn’t like crying. He didn’t like feeling so small and defeated. 

But the look in Chan’s eyes had just torn into him. 

Minho took a moment before shakily standing, Chan’s eyes following slowly, “I came to ask you to leave me alone. Don’t contact me. Don’t contact Felix.

There was so much guilt in Chan’s demeanor, “just stay away from us.”

Minho didn’t look back. 

He kept his composure the best he could until he reached home. 

Home. 

His body felt heavy the moment he opened the door. He immediately saw Felix peer over from where he was on the couch, and it only took him seconds to cross the room to reach Minho. 

And it only took Minho moments after to release bitter sobs, body trembling with nausea and stress. 

“I really want t-tea.”

Felix was warm. Per usual, comforting and cozy. Felix was the only thing keeping Minho from rushing to the bathroom. Felix was holding him so tightly, hand brushing through his hair. 

“T-tea.”

“I know…” Felix purred, rocking Minho gently as he held onto him tight, “I’ll get you tea. I promise.”

Minho nodded, slipping his arms around Felix’s back, clinging as Felix dragged them to the couch, Minho curling into Felix as much as he was able. 

Felix left him after a while to make tea, coming back and running his fingers through Minho’s hair as they sat together. Minho managed to tell Felix about Chan. Though it took him a long time to stop stuttering. Something he didn’t want to fucking do ever again. 

“I’m sorry about what happened.” 

Minho nodded, taking small sips of his tea now that he’d calmed down, “I just panicked.”

“You had every right to leave...you said he wouldn’t answer you, but you said his face just...I’m so sorry.”

“Has he called you?” Minho rested his head against Felix’s, eyes falling shut with comfort. 

“No he hasn’t. Do you want me to block his number?”

The self destructive part of Minho wanted to know if he’d ever say anything, but the other part wanted Chan to completely disappear. 

“You can. It’s up to you.”

Felix pressed a kiss to Minho’s hair, “okay.”

Minho watched Felix closely as the younger man fiddled with his phone. He blocked him immediately. Without hesitation he deleted and blocked the number from his phone. 

“There, no more Chan.”

“Thank you,” Minho took a final sip of tea before sliding the mug onto the coffee table, dragging his body from his spot to settle into Felix’s lap, resting his head against his shoulder as his arms draped around Felix’s neck. 

Felix laughed, arms settling around Minho’s back, “you wanna go to bed?”

Minho didn’t remember nodding, but he did remember the warmth of the bed and the feeling of the blankets draping around them as he adjusted himself to wrap around Felix again. He remembered the subtle kisses and whispers before passing out. 

He was exhausted. But at least the two things that had been bothering him were over. Sort of. Part of Minho felt like he should see Seungmin—just once. But the other part kept telling him that Seungmin didn’t deserve the chance for forgiveness. Not anymore. 

Still, it dwelled on him. And Minho even dreamt of visiting Seungmin. He dreamt of being confident and being able to tell him that he felt nothing for him anymore—but that was a lie. Seungmin was still...in some fucked up way, his friend. But his dream self was more level headed and was able to tell Seungmin how he felt inside, while also crushing Seungmin’s heart with the mention of dating Felix. 

But dream Minho wasn’t real Minho. Real Minho hadn’t even told Chan about Felix, there was no way he could ever do the same to Seungmin. 

That’s just not who he was. 

Minho huffed as he rolled onto his side in the bed, space beside him cool. Felix was probably at work. Which sucked. And maybe Minho should be getting up to figure out if he worked today. He didn’t know. He kept missing days. Luckily the owner didn’t mind, but fuck, he needed to distract himself. 

He felt heavy as he pulled himself up from the bed, dragging himself to the shower. He knew that’s the first thing he should be doing. Showering. 

But he didn’t even make it down the hall before he caught Felix, toast hanging from his lips as he held a plate of food in his hand. 

Oh. 

“Well fuck, you’re up early.” Felix laughed, taking the toast from his lips to press to Minho’s own. And though he wasn’t necessarily that hungry, he couldn’t help but take the bread between his lips. 

“Early?” Minho held the toast in his hand after a bite, nausea already creeping up as his eyes met Felix, “what time is it?”

“It’s only nine.” Nine. Minho was never up this early. 

“I slept too early last night...that’s probably what happened.” 

Felix watched him close, “table or bed?”

“Huh?” 

“Food. You’re eating. Where do you want to eat?” Felix laughed. 

Ah. Duh. 

“Oh...uh bed is fine?”

“Back to bed, huh?” Felix leaned forward to press the smallest kiss to Minho’s mouth before inching passed him with the plate of food. He only had one, Minho figured they were going to share. Felix knew Minho never ate too much at a time. Not ever since—

“Are you coming?” Felix asked, “we can shower after if you want?”

Minho wouldn’t turn that down at all. Though Felix had helped Minho shower before, they’d never actually done it together. 

The food was good. Minho just shoved away any bad feelings as he ate. He didn’t want to throw up or make Felix feel weird. Felix already knew that Minho hadn’t been too great with food since Jisung. 

“It’s good?” Felix asked, “I had to look online and watch like five videos this morning to make those.”

“You didn’t know how to make pancakes?” Minho smirked, “that’s cute.”

“It was the blueberry part that had me stumped!” Felix laughed, smile reaching his eyes, “Okay but really, is it good?”

Minho nodded, “you did good. All the years I’ve known you and you’ve never made breakfast.”

“That was Seungmin—” Felix stooped, taking a spoonful of eggs, “I used to like cooking but I think we just never really made breakfast. Seungmin and I tried to make waffles like...months into living together and we almost burned down the house.”

Minho scooted close to Felix, “I used to cook more...before Jisung happened. I was never big on it but my mom and I would make dinner every night.”

Felix watched Minho close, “so you’re telling me all this time we could have been cooking together?”

Minho couldn’t conceal his laugh, snatching Felix’s next spoonful of eggs and taking it to his own mouth. It had been awhile since he had eggs. 

“I wanna make dinner with you tonight when I get off.” 

Minho snickered, “what time do you go in?” 

“Noon, what time do you go in?”

Minho huffed at that, “I don’t really know honestly.”

“Good we can shower,” Felix leaned over, lips at Minho’s neck, “and we can have sex in the shower,” Minho shuddered as Felix took small bites at his neck, “and then I can call off work and we can do sexy stuff like shopping at the grocery store for ingredients.”

Minho couldn’t hide the second round of laughter as Felix shoved him down onto the bed, mouth glued to his neck, “and then we can make dinner together and watch a movie and...that would be so sexy.”

“Sexy, huh?” Minho pulled Felix up carefully, thumb grazing Felix’s bottom lip, “is that what you want?”

Felix nodded, “I want to have like...a proper date? Like an at home treat where we can cook our own meal and watch a free movie and just be together.”

Minho pulled himself upright, Felix dragging himself up to Minho, eyes watching him fondly. 

“Let’s go shower then, that sounds like the perfect date to me.”

Felix smiled wide, “does it?”

Minho nodded, “yeah, but we can start after we clean the bed...when you pushed me down the syrup ran off the plate.”

Felix turned with a soft gasp, adjusting the plate that had spilled most of its contents across the sheet, “oh god...I didn’t even realize—“

Minho kissed him, Felix completely halting his words as Minho brought his hand to the back of Felix’s head, running his fingers through the dark locks of hair. 

Felix was...home. He really was. 

Minho could see them doing this for the rest of time, eating breakfast in bed together before fucking in the shower. He could see them getting off of work and collapsing onto the couch together to watch movies or play whatever game Felix was currently obsessed with. He could see them cooking dinner together rather than eating out all the time. 

Minho could see himself bringing Felix to his parents. Though they already knew a lot about Felix and had managed to meet him once or twice...he wanted to bring him over more. He wanted to go home more. He could finally look his dad in the eye again, and his mother...she’d always been a comfort. 

Really, he could just see himself with Felix. Maybe what happened to him was some sort of fucked up fate. Meeting Jisung had led him to ultimately meet Seungmin and Felix. And Chan had helped. Sure he had...Chan helped him find the courage to turn in Seungmin and leave Chan. Maybe Felix wasn’t always his goal...but that’s just how things turned out. 

And he wasn’t going to complain. There was a reason Jisung wanted Felix too...and Minho could see it. Minho knew that he was golden. He knew it. But so was Felix. Felix was in every fucking way possible golden. More so than Minho. Felix, through all the shit he’d gone through, still smiled like the sun.

Maybe fate wanted them together. Maybe golden people were just supposed to be together…

Minho really wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He couldn’t see himself spending it any other way. 

He loved Felix. He’d always loved Felix. 

He had nothing to fear anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it this far, I’m really proud of where this series ended up and a big shout out to Jeongin and Changbin who deserved better and a big fuck you to Chan, Jisung, Hyunjin, & Seungmin.
> 
> Long live the golden boys Minho and Felix!
> 
>   
> A L S O 
> 
> I don’t know why on earth I have to do this but please do not reupload my work under any circumstances. If you’d like to for any reason please message me first, do not reupload my work.  
> [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/skzorcism)  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/Str4y)


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